The answers to this question are as many and varied as the people involved in a cheating situation.  It really boils down to the individual couple involved and on the extent of the affair.

For example, if one spouse refuses to end the affair and says he or she is in love with the other person, it's nearly impossible to salvage the marriage. Forget about competing with the other woman or man. That's some tough competition. The other person has it made because he or she can always put on the best face during the limited amount of time that the two are together. Your spouse only sees a near-perfect image that the other person presents but probably doesn't see the true personwhen they have days where they are under stress, when responsibility weighs heavily or they're angry. It's easier to maintain a facade of perfection.

If your spouse actually wants to save the marriage, they will have to end the affair first. There is absolutely no way to restore your marriage with another person between the two of you. It's difficult enough to re-gain the damaged trust and feelings of betrayal without the affair continuing. Impossible actually.

So can your relationship be salvaged? Here are some questions you can ask yourself to help you determine if your marriage can survive an affair:

• Is your partner truly repentent or does it appear as if the only thing that they're sorry about is that they got caught?

• Is the one who cheated making excuses for their behaviour, possibly shifting the blame somewhat or wholy on the other's shoulders?

• Is there a history of flirting or questionable behaviour or situations that would make it easy to cheat?

• Are they willing to cut off contact with their lover and follow through with it in order to give you both an honest chance to heal and rebuild?

• Are you willing to take the chance with your fragile heart to risk them cheating again. This is a very real possibility and one that you must face up to. Can you  hold it together and not fall apart again if he/she cheats again.

• Have some new details come to light? Is there a pattern of cheating in his/her past that family or friends have made you aware of or that you've discovered?

• Do they understand your pain or do they question why it's hurt you so much? In other words, do they wonder what all the fuss is about?

Only you and your partner can decide whether your marriage will survive. A joint effort is required. Both must be willing, committed to and devoted to the work involved in healing the relationship. A one-sided or half-hearted effort at re-building the marriage will not bode well for the union's survival.