Do You Feel Like a Doormat In Your Relationship?
New ways to stand up for yourself in your relationship
Doormats are for dirty or wet shoes, not people. So why do so many men and women allow themselves to be treated like a door mat to be walked on when it comes to their relationship? Time for you to wear the boots in the family. Your significant other can stomp their boots out somewhere else. Here are four signs that you are letting your partner walk all over you and what you can do about it.
You never get seem angry
You insist on swallowing your anger every time you get upset in order not to upset the apple cart. Not only is this way of coping unhealthy, but it can be detrimental to your relationship. Imagine a kettle with a lid on it at a full boil, when you do take the lid off, you will get a full blast of steam. Don't wait to explode in anger; deal with each situation as it becomes an issue. It will be healthier for you and healthier for your relationship in the long run.
But you don't want to rock the boat. That's okay sometimes, but your relationship will go nowhere if you don't start getting real. Try planning out what you want to say ahead of time. That way, if you get ticked off every time he or she's late to meet you, you'll know exactly what you want to say the next time it happens, without blowing your top.
You always listen.
You know the name of a smart-ass coworker who's always making the wisecracks at their office. Or the fact that they had to wait in line at the bank or how long it took them to get to work with all the traffic delays this morning. But, does your S.O. know any of these things about you? Probably not a lot of the time.
Lending an ear and listening is a good thing, but take it too far and you'll throw off the balance of your relationship. Start paying attention to your contribution to conversations. Don't let your partner dominate all the talk time. Tell them about your day, offer advice on theirs, or start by just asking questions. The more you toss in, the more your relationship will begin to seem like an equal partnership.
You won't say "no"
Absolutely, you'd like to see that dreadful horror movie again, the that he loves where the zombies get their heads ripped off or watching her favourite "chick-flick" for what seems to be the hundredth time. No problem, you can pick her up from the airport, even though you'll have to leave work early and she could take a cab. Yes, it's okay if he ditches a night out with you in favour of hitting a bar with his buds, or yes, you'll wait up for him/her until they get home safely even though you have to be up early in the morning.
Does this sound a bit like you? Stop being a doormat by practicing how to say "NO." While it may be difficult at first, try breaking yourself in slowly by saying "I'll think about it." This will allow you some up with a way to say "no" that you're more comfortable with. "I'd rather see a movie that we'll both like," or "If you take a taxi home, then I will have a chance to have dinner ready at home for you" The word becomes less scary the more you become acquainted with it and use it.
You are the one that makes the life changes
Do you see your girlfriends less because your guy demands you spend all your free time with him? Do you spend holidays with her family more often than your own? Have you changed the way you dress so he won't get jealous when you go out? These are all dangerous adaptations that should be stopped immediately.
There's nothing wrong with adjusting your life to make it easier on both of you, but the changes have to be mutual. There has to be give and take. Evaluate the changes you've made recently in your life. Are you changing for him/her or for you? Are they changes for the better? Will you stick with them even if the two of you split? Make sure any changes you make will make both of you (and not just your partner) happy.
Small inroads can be made if you follow the above guidelines. Eventually, you will become more assertive and less likely to bow and scrape in your relationship. Next time you feel like a doormat; remember that you're worthy of a person and a relationship that meets in the middle in agreement. Manipulation and one-sided relationships are a dead-end street. Don't put out the welcome mat for someone to step all over your heart and your life.