|
Deciding whether or not to give an ex partner a second chance is usually not an easy choice. You’re usually torn between the person you “thought” you were with and the person that you’ve just discovered them to be if they’ve cheated on you. Many are hurt again by the same cheater the second time because they’ve listened to their ex claiming to have seen the proverbial “light” and falling for the standard catch phrases that twang on your heart strings or the ever popular “you’re the only one I’ll ever love. If you’ve been dumped previously by this person who obviously did not want to be with you at that time; you need to ask yourself how things have changed so dramatically that now they have decided that you are now the one they are professing to wanting to be with. So how do you find your way through all of the emotional turmoil to get the answer that works for you? Here are some suggestions on ways that you can determine whether your ex deserves a do-over with your heart.
Revisit the past
Ask yourself honestly if you are willing to take the chance that you will be hurt again. Our emotions run very deep with a hurt of this kind. Revisit those feelings that you experienced when you first discovered that your ex had cheated on you or kicked you to the curb. You have to be willing to repeat this pain of the heartbreak again IF your ex decides to cheat or leave again.
Don’t be afraid to ask yourself the really difficult questions. Why would you give someone an opportunity to hurt you again especially when they have already demonstrated just how important you are to them by jilting you or by cheating with another? Both of you need to be open to total communication in order to speak about what went wrong originally and how you can make things better. Again be certain that actions are followed through and you’re not just falling for some well-orchestrated lip-service. Hard work will have to be done on both of your parts. You and your ability to move past the pain/mis-trust and for them earning the right to have you trust them again.
The good should outweigh the bad.
The good times that you shared together should outweigh the bad times; if you have to think on this matter for any amount of time then you should NOT offer your heart on a platter for them to break again. If they didn’t make you feel like a valued person and care about your emotional well-being the first time around, then chances are it won’t happen during the second chance. You will only revisit the past and run into the same stumbling blocks again. Not to say that your relationship was perfect; none are. Many can safely say in all honesty that their relationship had its ups and downs; but what we’re talking about here is the constant barrage of negative emotions on a daily basis. Nobody deserves that as it is debilitating. If your ex has never understood why certain things have upset you in the past and basically negates your feelings on a constant basis; then you need to move on and open yourself up to a new relationship with someone who you can freely communicate with.
If your partnership with your ex was one based on successful problem-solving in the past and you feel that your spouse is honestly and completely willing to give it another go on your terms while you sort out the trust issues, then perhaps giving them a second chance would be fair. Be cautious when giving your heart over to them again. Make certain that their words are followed through by actions; that they’re not just telling you what they think you want to hear.
Talk to your friends and family
Seems straight forward enough; ask the people who knew him from your previous relationship. Did your family and friends approve of the ex who is trying to make his or her way back into your life?
These are the people who know you best and you will be able to trust their opinion. Family especially will generally support the fact that you should be treated in a way that makes you happy. There when the chips are down and in the good times too; they are in effect a built-in personal support system. Their advice, wisdom and objectivity will shed a light on your decision.
If these people who have your best interests at heart don’t approve of your ex who is trying to weasel back into your life, reconsider your decision to take this person back into your life. Love, honesty and respect are a must in any relationship; why do they feel this way about your ex. Perhaps they have seen your ex in a non-biased way without the blind love that you did and saw some warning signs. Heed this advice as it will help you look at the situation without your emotional bias taking over.
Ultimately the final decision will be yours to make; keep your emotions in check and take personal stock of how the relationship was the first time around and whether it’s worth the risk of laying your heart on the line with this person again. Don’t fall into the trap of settling for second best because of worries of being lonely. Sometimes it’s better to be alone and know yourself than to start something new again with someone who broke your heart once before. You are worthy of a healthy and trusting relationship!
|