Are you torn up with anger toward your ex?. When you have to see him/her, does your stomach churn? What they did or did not do has hurt you a great deal. How do you let the anger go once and for all?

Certainly you are not alone with this difficulty. Tons of ex-spouses are forced into regular dealings with their ex's because of ongoing shared responsibilities toward children, finances, family, friends, etc and somehow they have to try and get through it. 

Let's start with drawing out an immediate plan of action. Try to decide ahead of time how you want to deal with your ex when you're faced with them in these situations. Do you want to deal with them in a direct, or detached way? Or would you prefer the no BS way by taking an assertive stance? Whatever your position, your next move will be to "fake it 'til you make it". It's much easier to think before you speak to your ex than to blurt something out and then have to back-peddle your thinking later. If you appear to be calm and cool, even if you aren't, you will be much more able to rationalize your thinking after the fact. Use the rule of thumb that you want to "act" the way you want to feel and your feelings will follow the lead of your actual actions.

Now here's the big one, how can you get your head around the idea of forgiveness? Before you blow your cool and say that you'll never forgive them, you need to keep in mind that forgiveness is not the same as condoning your ex's actions. The things that were done to you will never be OK, and forgiveness will not make them so. As long as we resent someone, that individual still has quite a bit of power in our lives as well as our thoughts and feelings. Unfortunately, often in an uncontrolled and overpowering manner, making it harder to deal with. Sometimes these thoughts about their former spouses pop up out of nowhere during unrelated activities, or during a quiet time. Once there, the minds turn to conversations that they may have had, chastising themselves for what they could have said, or maybe practicing what they'll say next time if given the chance. It's all very draining and ultimately changes very little. When we allow ourselves to forgive these people, it's like we've unplugged them so that they no longer drain our power, our thoughts or preoccupy our thoughts.Allowing yourself to forgive  someone who still has the potential to hurt us is intended to benefit the forgiver - and not necessarily the forgiven.

So what steps do you take to forgive

The first and most important step is to decide if you are willing to forgive. This involves deciding to rid yourself of resentments which may feel like protection to you. They are not. Resentments only harm the person holding onto them.Give some time and thought to some of the specific hurts you've experienced and the needs that were not validated. Try to find some way to let go. Some people find relief in listing all their specifics on a piece of paper, then going to a special, perhaps meaningful, quiet spot (like a mountain top or lakeside) and setting that paper on fire, or burying it, or shredding it.The power of a ritual is not in the act itself, but rather, having established a marker in our minds. Like a marriage ceremony is a marker in our minds or another special occasion, where we know that we are now making decisions as part of the whole, and not just as an individual. The ritual is an token event that is designed to be momentous and outstanding, and in our minds our entire world knows and supports our decision, a symbolic rite that supports our decision to let go and ultimately changes how we think and act. It frees our thoughts and actions so we can move forward with our lives.

In any case, forgiveness is much easier said than done and is a process that takes time. It's not going to happen over night and may require you revisiting it from time to time to keep yourself on track. Just keep in mind that you are worth the time and energy! Forgiving your ex will give you the freedom you deserve to move into a more fulfilling future..