You're newly single and hating it. You're looking for something more substantial and committed than your last boyfriend or husband was. How do you avoid falling into the "booty call trap"?
A booty call is one of those late-night phone calls when someone is horny (and possibly drunk) suggesting that they could come over for sex. Any relationship that is mainly about sex could easily be labeled a booty call.So if you're asking yourself if you are the booty call, there’s a few surefire ways to find out:
- Are you naked most of your time together?
- Have you met or been introduced to any of his friends?
- Does he have room-mates that you've met or does he rush you right past them?
- Do you have other things that you do that don't wind up as a sexual encounter?
- Do you do the singles dating things like go out to movies or dinner, hang out with friends?
- How meaningful are your conversations; does he ask you about your interests and how your day was?
- And lastly, are most of his calls late at night, with the single-minded purpose of coming over to get laid?
People who are really into each other spend a lot of time together and they get to know each other on a deeper level. They usually miss each other when they are apart and burn up the phone lines trying to keep as much contact as they can. However when any of these core basics are missing from a relationship, the sexual side seems to be the prevailing goal. It can be an ideal situation for a guy who's not really into having a committed relationship and prefers to play the field. In this kind of relationship they can feel like they are giving all they can with the sex and don’t need very much else to keep you hanging on to the relationship.
Women tend to need much more, most women would agree. Many will give as much as they can to hold on to an otherwise great guy who they feel will warm up or change over time. Bad move! “But if I give him everything he needs in the bedroom, he’ll eventually see how great I am and then he'll fall in love with me!” Probably NOT going to happen.
Try to NOT become a "booty call" by minimizing the sexual aspect of your interactions. If he realizes that all he has to do is buy you a pizza or go out to a movie and you’ll have sex with him, then he will be trained to do “date-like” things to get your clothes off. Hang out with him a few times, but create some situations where you can’t stay for sex or there is no possibility of sex. You can still have all the touching and kissing you want, but you have other stuff going on later and don’t have time for a quickie.
If he doesn’t want to just hang out or gets upset that you aren’t giving him any, then he only has intentions of using you for sex! This will help you honestly decide the true reason he's there. Don't fall for all those cute, lovey-dovey expressions and puppy dog looks. If he's really into you, they you should be able to meet in the middle. Be firm and kind, now that he's had the goods, he doesn’t have to work so hard any more nad that should be another heads-up. A true gauge of a man’s desire to be with you happens after sex, not before, so don’t look at all those sweet things he did for you before he got you into bed. Don't get so bowled over by the great sex and forget to keep an eye on how he acts after.