Acknowledging that you have an issue with trust after another person has shattered your ability to trust is a big step. Some struggle with that their whole lives. It can be extremely difficult to learn to trust again or to even want to. There are many people who never move past a broken heart. However, you can allow yourself to trust again; your life will be fuller and your healing will truly be underway. Hard as it might be, don’t allow a person’s untrustworthiness to taint all future relationships. You will only hurt yourself if you cannot move past. Steps that you can take to learn to trust again are really very basic; the biggest trick is to trust yourself again and follow the following guidelines.
RECOGNIZE that you need to trust again. People can fool themselves into believing that they do not need to have close relationships in their lives. That might work if you live on the moon; however, human beings are social creatures and need interaction with one another. You NEED to trust again; without it you will never be able to enjoy a close relationship….Close relationships with a loving, honest partner can make your life happy and fulfilled.
YOU ALREADY TRUST…tell yourself that. Many people, especially those who experienced deep betrayal in childhood through abuse, believe that they are unable to trust anyone in any fashion. No way!….just think of it this way. The most jaded person in the world still trusts the waiter to bring him food in a restaurant, or the post office to deliver a letter. SOOO…after all is said and done; you really do have to acknowledge that it’s not a lost cause.
BE REALISTIC and understand that one person does not have to meet all of your needs. Many people search for that one person with whom they can share their entire heart. This is not necessary in order to learn to trust again. What matters is that all of your needs are met. You can accomplish this by trusting different people with different needs. Your best friend might be your confidante about personal matters and your parents about your financial matters. The point is, your expectations must be well-grounded and plausible. We don’t live in a fantasy land where there are super heroes. Just start slow and let things progress naturally.
WATCH for trustworthy people in your circle. We can learn so much by watching the actions of others. The way a person treats others is a good indicator of how they might treat you. If they share with you the intimate details of another person’s life, there is a likelihood that they may betray your confidence as well. Distancing yourself from this type of personality might not be a bad plan at this point….at least while you are working through this. The converse is also true, if this person never says an unkind word about another person; then they are likely to treat you with the same respect.
TAKE ITSLOW and ease into a new relationship. Sharesmall confidences and see what happens. If the person betrays a smallconfidence; you should think twice about trusting them with a larger one. Againthe person who keeps your confidences close to them has earned the trust enoughto share the more personal issues that you might divulge to them.
KEEP POSITIVE.....You might get hurt again but you need to trust that you will be okay if you are betrayed again. The fear of trusting another person is more about your own fear of not being able to handle a betrayal. Know in your mind that it will hurt but you will be okay. Don’t hold yourself back in life by living in fear of trusting again. If you are confident that you are going to be alright even if the other person lets you down; it will be much easier for you to learn to trust again.
BEPATIENT and know that progress might be slow.That’s okay! Rome was not built in one day after all. It can be a real challengeto learn to trust again so give yourself the time and space you need to easeback into trusting another person again.
Lifeis not without its’ hurtles. Our strengths, if we allow them to grow, arebetter served in learning to cope in a different, better manner. Before youeven realize it; you will be a stronger, more savvy individual with a lot moreconfidence and people skills. Why is this? Because, in your quest of learning to trustagain; you will become adept at seeing the worthy people around you. AND youwill become better able to spot the unworthy! You WILL overcome this, it ISpossible; believing anything less would be short-changing yourself. Be honestwith yourself and know that dealing with this particular hurtle will truly helpyou finally heal your broken heart from that past relationship once and forall.