As parents, we want to provide the best for our children including giving them the life skills to become responsible adults. People generally admire an individual who is engaging, fun-loving, accomplished and smart. In fact, we are often drawn to this type of individual. Despite these facts, honesty remains the most important character trait that we look for in an individual. So, how do we as parents, instill and nurture this important character trait in our children? Here are some suggestions:

Try to focus on what truly matters –

Often things like excelling at academics and sports can take a front row seat. Difficulties such as learning disabilities and aggressive behaviour again take a priority. Sometimes it’s difficult to find enough time in the day, but we have to find a balance for our children. Spending as much or more time working on developing an honesty-based way of dealing with issues on a day-to-day basis is key. Case in point; if you know that your child has taken something that doesn’t belong to him/her, it needs to be addressed. It doesn’t matter if you are heading out the door for a hockey game in five minutes, it needs to be dealt with now. These kinds of issues need to be given top priority after all you are shaping a young mind of tomorrow. Raising an honest, young individual is leaps and bounds more important than tidying up a messy room. The room will wait; your child needs you now.

Discuss values with your child-

Make it clear to your children that you require honesty from them at all times and to offer a lie instead of the truth will mean punishment. This doesn’t mean beating your child; far from that. Let them know in no uncertain terms that you will accept the truth only and give them examples of how a lie has hurt them personally; from a friend or a playmate. Don’t lecture as they will learn to shut your suggestions out. Make a clear point and then follow through down the road if necessary. Our own behaviours as children were influenced by the rewards and punishment balance; there is an innate need for the human being to recognize boundaries of acceptable behaviour. Zero tolerance for lies.

Teach your children the difference between honesty and disrespect-

There is a skill called diplomacy; it’s difficult to teach a child because it’s hard for them to grasp the concept without parental help. Telling their grandmother that they look fat in their new dress is disrespectful; but telling them that they look nice would be a lie if they didn’t mean it in their young eyes. Encourage them to find words that are not hurtful and at the same time are not a lie. Perhaps as simple as telling their grandmother truthfully that the dress looks nice with her eye colour, her shoes or choice of hairstyle. It will take time and patience to work through the paces; but your child will learn to be more respectful toward others in their lifetime.  The real plus in this is that the child in turn will demand the same respect from their spouses and peers as they go through their life.

From honest parents come honest children-

Monkey see, monkey do. We’ve all heard these words; but nothing drives the point home more than seeing the mirror image of yourself reflected in your child’s thoughts and actions. As parents, we are the strongest influence on our child’s behaviour. Media will always play some part; but the lion’s share of the onus falls squarely on the shoulders of the parents. We feel the constant pressure of the task at hand as we raise our children; and sooner or later we’re going to screw up in the presence of our children. Treat it honestly with them; as honestly as you expect them to deal with their life, and own up to the mistake. Explain that you, like them, are a human and as such we are capable of making mistakes in our lives. The child needs to know that mistakes are forgivable; that your love for them is unconditional  and that you can have both these things in a truthful environment or relationship. They will take it with them into their life’s journey.

There are no guarantees in life. We raise our children to the best of our abilities. There are no manuals provided at birth and as such we are forced many times to fly by the seat of our pants. We need to listen to the inner voices inside us as the parent and heed what our children need most-our guidance…not our wallet.