Whatever the reason; whether it’s a valid concern or not, jealousy can play a large part in disconnection and alienation between a couple. We may perceive it as flattering when a relationship partner gets a little jealous. A boost to the ego is all it is. This is different; nothing compared to the fights and resentment that can come from real, hidden jealousy. This type of jealousy is never a good thing for a relationship!!

So how do we learn to recognize jealousy and deal with it without putting your relationship in jeopardy?

The more time you have invested with your partner; the more you have to lose by breaking up. Insecurities can develop from a host of different thoughts. Self-esteem and lack of self-confidence are key players in this. If you have difficulty believing in your qualities and your attractiveness as a partner, these insecurities can run amok. Communication with your partner regarding your esteem issues is vital. Unfortunately, if they aren’t discussed, they will remain unresolved and cause further conflict. Jealousy comes from personal insecurities that have grown and festered due to lack of communication. There are always some cases where the jealousy is fostered by a valid feeling….but it is a small percentage of the time.

If your own insecurity or low self-image makes you think badly of yourself, it is only natural that you begin to question what your significant other sees in you. “Why would he/she want to stay with you” or live in constant fear that he or she will meet someone “better”. The fear that your partner will wake up one day and realize there is someone better out there can lead to suspicion on your part.

These suspicious thoughts begin to enter the mind of an insecure person, and enter stage left……the green-eyed monster waiting on cue. Then it begins; the questioning of your partner’s actions or becoming too needy of your partner’s time and attention. If you don’t discuss your insecurities with your partner, questions may begin to fill your head. Why does he always come home later on Tuesday nights…who is he seeing? Why does she always talk so much about that new co-worker…does she like him?

Because these questions and the motives behind them (your own insecurities) are not brought to the forefront, you may start to see problems that aren’t really there. If suppressed long enough, often a jealous person will “explode” when, in reality, their partner has done nothing wrong. A friendly conversation can look like flirting or a hug may seem to go on a little too long even though it is innocent. And, unfairly to your partner, you will overreact in anger or heavy emotion.

So, how do you get a handle on your jealous emotions? The first priority is that you need to open the lines of communication with your partner. Tell your loved one calmly and openly that you love him or her but, because they are so important to you, you are feeling anxiety or insecurity about the relationship. Chances are your partner will reaffirm how much he or she loves you. Ask and share the reasons why you are with each other; you will clear the air and feel much better about your relationship. It may turn out that they too have concerns of their own. Both parties can address these and move on to most positive things that are in store for the both of you. Admitting your fears of losing your partner will usually open up a door of communication that can actually bond the two of you closer together. If you sense jealousy from your partner, learn to offer reassurance about your relationship more often.


After you have talked about your feelings with your partner, you will better understand the reasons why your partner has chosen you and be far less likely to second-guess your partner’s intentions. You will be reassured of the fact that your significant other is in a relationship with you because he or she loves you, not because they are waiting for someone better to come along. You love your partner, and your partner loves you. It’s that simple. When you stop wasting your time thinking of reasons why your partner will leave you, you can start to understand the many reasons why your relationship is stable and satisfying for the both of you and/or give you a chance to work on some of the issues that you both may have in the partnership. If you can admit that you are someone worth loving, you can focus on building and strengthening your love together.