Intimacy is one of the most genuine and beautiful aspects of a relationship. There are key points that need to be addressed if your relationship is floundering or just needs a bit of a helping hand. Learn from these tips about developing intimacy in your relationship.
Trust: In developing intimacy we need to learn to trust the other person. Trust comes from having positive experiences with someone that speaks with integrity and acts reliably on an ongoing basis. Ask your partner what they need in order to be able to trust and they will reciprocate once that trust is achieved. You have left the door open for them to open up to you.
Honesty: Speak with integrity and honesty. If you are not honest with your partner, the intimacy will never develop in your relationship. The give and take approach must be adopted and will also nurture the trust between you. Share yourself openly and honestly, you not only develop intimacy with your partner but also allow yourself to truly see yourself.
Time: Intimacy knows no timetable; it will only be developed if two people are working towards it. It's not a race to the finish. The level of intimacy is as individual as those who search for it and has as much to do with the individuals involved as well as their relationship and familial history. Give your partner the time they need. Blame, guilt and recriminations are a sure fire way for things to go in a negative direction.
Presence: Intimacy is not an activity, it is a state of being. For intimacy to build you need focused attention which only occurs when space and time is right. Allow time, make space.Be there but watch for body language that will help you decipher which action is appropriate. It's all about being in sync with your partner and their thoughts/feelings.
Eye to eye: Sit quietly with each other, gazing into each other's eyes without any other outcome than to share yourself with your partner. Avoid comical banter meant to detract from the intensity of the situation. Let your partner see inside; remember that your eyes are the window of your soul. Try to set the awkwardness aside and move to a calmer, more intense level.
Closeness and distance: Intimacy can be compared to a flower that sometimes needs more light and sometimes more darkness. Get in tune with your partner's need for more closeness or more space at times. Again, body language will be important to watch. Remember it can change any time - do not assume, be mindful. Hovering or forced contact (real or perceived) is not advisable as it will create a negative impact as opposed to nurturing and fostering a developing intimacy.
Listening: Learn to be a great listener. Remove the focus from yourself. Listening is the greatest gift you can give another human being. Being heard and feeling understood will create an intimacy all on its own. Make it your goal to listen to the unspoken words within the sentence spoken. A lot of insight into your partner can be gauged from the silences between the spoken words.
Sharing: Mutual disclosure is key. Once you share your fears, your flaws, your inadequacy and your vulnerabilities, you allow the other to be human as well. Truthfulness is key. If your partner suspects that there are hidden agendas or untruths; all bets are off. Remember to share with honesty. Intimacy will never develop if one partner believes that another may not be totally honest. Mutual disclosure translates into mutual trust.
Vulnerability: Intimacy is so comforting because it allows true vulnerability, the part of us that we mostly hide as it is socially less acceptable. A real relationship will transcend and grow even during the difficult times when you feel most exposed and vulnerable.
Acceptance: On the same note as vulnerability is that intimacy is accepting and feeling accepted by our partner. If you want to focus on developing true intimacy in a new relationship reserve criticism and throw away your desire to change your partner.
Intimacy is about allowing people to get close to you in more than just one way. It's more than a roll in the hay. It's more than humourous banter with a hidden goal. It's a spiritual and physical level of connection between your partner and yourself. A connection that can allow your relationship to stand the test of time while offering personal and partnered joys and growth. It will give your relationship the resolve and endurance to see it through the many curveballs that life and loving can throw your way!