Welcome to my very first article on CheaterAlert.  I am honored to be part of such an important site that helps unleash this very important subject.  With all the latest media buzz regarding the extra marital affairs of  golf champion Tiger Woods and political figures such as John Edwards, I believe the public needs all the information possible to make accurate choices in who they choose to date, enter relationships with, and ultimately marry, if they so desire.

My first article resonated with me because it comes up all the time with my female clients.  Why don’t men commit?  This is an age old question, but it appears to be even more prevalent in today’s culture for all age groups.  It is confusing for women because they are not sure what it is men are looking for, and when they think they have found a great guy and he is unavailable for a relationship, she often blames herself.  Sure, there are things you could possibly be doing differently when dating, but for now let’s look at the top reasons men don’t commit.

1. Afraid of being burned again due to having their heart stepped on, taken to the cleaners through a divorce settlement, and the financial losses that accompany that.
2. They don’t trust the woman they are dating.  There is a fear that once the ring is put on her finger, all bets are off, and her real true self will emerge - warts and all.
3. Society today doesn’t look down on waiting to get married.  Why jump from the dorm room to the altar if you don’t have to? Parents are allowing and enabling young adults to move back home so who would want to pay rent if you don’t have to?
4. Afraid they will be turned in for a richer, better looking model with more cash in their pockets and material goodies.
5. Don’t want to get married for the wrong reason.  Many men marry because they think they “should” because all their friends are renting tuxes and walking down the aisle.  They also don’t want to settle for someone because they are afraid they won’t meet anyone else.
6. Living together provides all the domestic benefits of marriage without the commitment.  Cohabitation is totally acceptable today. Men feel cohabitating is a great way to test the waters.
7. Having sex is easier than ever for today’s man. He can meet potential sex partners at bars, through friends, work, and of course, the internet.  However, men do seem to prefer a regular sex partner if possible.
8. Men want to wait until they are older to have children and don’t want to settle just because a women’s biological clock is ticking away.  They also want to feel secure like owning a piece of property first.
9. Men don’t want to give up their freedom, their space, their hobbies, and routines.
10. Men are reluctant to marry single moms.  They get too attached to the children when the relationship doesn’t work out and don’t want to have to deal with ex husbands and the biological father.

What is important to remember is not only look at why the guy isn’t committing, but to look at your part, as well.  Ask yourself some simple questions?   What is it about you that you keep picking unavailable men over and over again?  Why is it you go into denial when the red flags that he is just not into you are right in front of your nose? For more information regarding these questions and more, stay tuned for next week’s article.

Sherry Gaba, LCSW, is a Psychotherapist and Life Coach.  She is the author of “The Law of Sobriety” Attracting Positive Energy for a Powerful Recovery” and the Life Coach on Celebrity Rehab on VH1. She has been a media expert on CNN Headline News, Inside Edition, Fox San Diego, and KTLA Los Angeles.  She has been quoted in Cosmopolitan, E-Online, Ell Online, the NY Daily News, and the Huffington Post.  She can be reached for webinars, teleseminars, speaking engagements, and life coaching at www.sgabatherapy.com