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It’s hard to find a good person to spend your life with. We hear all the horror stories out there; the abused women in horrific relationships, good men trapped in a unloving and abusive marriages, women being abandoned by neglectful spouses and leaving them to care for the children in a poverty-ridden life. It’d be easier if there was a how-to book written or a tattoo on the foreheads of the bad ones saying “you should keep away from me, I’m bad news!” All kidding aside, HOW do you tell the good from the bad? Maybe we should look within ourselves first. What are we looking for in a relationship? Are we consistently looking for the wrong kind of person. You know the ones I mean. The people who pride themselves on presenting the “bad boy” image or the “wild girl” that everyone knows. There’s also a short-circuit in our brains caused by whatever programming we’ve received over the years. There are the preconceived notions about the “hot guy or gal” in the shampoo ads or in the glossy magazines strutting their stuff. We need to de-program ourselves long enough to have a really good look out there in the dating world. What kind of images are there knocking around in our heads from a lifetime of watching this crap. All these pretenders put strange notions in the heads of perfectly sensible people. The bottom line is our self-image suffers major blows when over the course of a lifetime we are forced to confront our own shortcomings. So what happens when we meet one of these bronzed and buffed individuals in our day-to-day routine? We ooh and aah…. and then we go home and feel sorry for ourselves and our station in life. Why do we do this? It’s all conditioning folks. That doesn’t make it right; it’s just the way it is.
So, in the midst of all this, how do we find that one special individual? What do we need to be on the lookout for? Maybe we’d better rule out the ones that we should stay away from first!
For starters, often the man or woman who is wrapped up in themselves and how they look is NOT the type of individual that has the staying power to make it through thick and thin in a relationship….there are exceptions to every train of thought of course. This type of person may be using the excuse that they want to look good for you….hmm….let’s think about that for a moment. Do they look around and watch for who might be watching them? Do they have that way about them that when you’re talking to them; they’re kind of looking over your shoulder at someone else? Do they spend a little too much time in the bathroom primping before they go out? Would they have what it took to see your relationship through a classic, normal slump (as relationships do from time to time). Would their actions be honourable?
There are also the people who are all about what they have or don’t have. They keep score with their friends on who has this and who has that. They appear to be motivated by some strange desire to accrue the most in their lifetime….”whoever has the most toys when they die, wins”. How does this contribute to the quality of life in any way other than to play a weird game of one-up-manship? Would this be the type of person to run scared if for some reason the relationship hit rocky financial times??
Get to know all you can find out. From friends, family and yes, especially the enemies….anyone that you think might give you a realistic image of your prospective partner. Friends and family all too often hide “little“ tidbits that might have you shaking in your boots and heading for the hills. The enemies will probably give you a more truthful version…..then you can decide for yourself. Should you find that this particular individual has some issues with infidelity or abuse; would you really want them in your life or your future children’s life?
Now that we know what we DON’T want, does that make it easier to spot the keepers? Maybe yes, maybe no….depends on how rigorous your personal screening process is. The dating scene at the best of times can be compared to a crap shoot. What are the odds? What are my chances of winning? The better we get at identifying what we DO NOT want in our life; the better off we will be….single or as a partner.
HOWEVER…. there are good people out there waiting for that right person to come along just like you are! It may be a little harder to spot them because they cause a whole lot less trouble and leave less of a wake in their path. They’re the type of people that live their lives quietly without a constant need for attention and without the kind of high drama that follows the bad seeds around constantly.
Keep your eyes peeled and watch for them; they’re out there!
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